Precious Goodbyes

I look down and the paper beside me on the couch reads, “What is the purpose of life”. Ironic thing to see right now as I just learned 30 minutes ago that my brother-in-law’s mother has passed away. I am planning this week’s message for the high school ministry. “What is the purpose of life?” I stand on a solid Christian foundation. I know all the proper answers to that question, however, right now, it somehow seems rather ambiguous.

What is the purpose of life? We are meant to enjoy it. To relish it. To cherish it. To do something with it. But what. Right now, I need a simple answer for that question.

Diane went to be with her Father in the quiet of her own home surrounded by her family, whom she loved with all her heart, while her husband and partner in this life lie in his own hospital bed approaching his own meeting with his Creator. What is the purpose of life?

As a Theology major, I have spent the last couple of years in fairly intensive study with that question and in all that time I have never seen it in the light that I am in this moment.

Did she feel like she did enough? Saw enough? Helped enough? Lived enough? Loved enough? Is she going to journey to what her Heavenly Father has for her next confident that she did? Will she have regrets? Can such a thing as regret even exist on that journey?

Will God have to tell her “What is the purpose of life” or will she just automatically know when she reaches her destination? Should I even call it a destination?

One might hear my thoughts and grow concerned that I am playing on the fringes of a crisis of faith, but right now is quite the contrary. As a matter of fact, it has been a while since I have been so in awe of it. Encouraged by it. My faith tells me to live loudly and to love boldly and these are not the characteristics of regret. No, it is not a crisis of faith that I am having here, but rather, I think, a crisis of self. What is the purpose of life? When I embark on my own journey, will God have to tell me the answer to that question, or will I automatically know?

See I think that if you meet your Creator knowing that you did enough, saw enough, helped enough, lived enough and loved enough, He will not need to answer that question. You will just automatically know.

Thank you Father for blessing our lives with the beauty that was Diane Kammes. We know that you didn’t need to answer that question for her, Father but that she already knew. She is your precious company now Lord God until we all meet her home.

Amen

In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

Acts 20:35

In the words of God’s beloved disciple, Maria Magdelana, “A givers hands are never empty.” I do not believe that it is coincidence that when we give of ourselves to something bigger than us, we inherently feel as if we got more than we gave. It isn’t coincidence, it is in our design. The feeling of fulfillment when we give; The freedom that comes with the release of worldy stuff; it is a natural consequence of becoming more like Christ. When Jesus simplified His expectations for us by giving us the greatest of the commandments: “Love God and Love others”, I believe He was giving us the blueprint to our architecture.

I was so struck after my first trip to Nicaragua. Eternally altered, though initially I couldn’t exactly figure out how or even why. It wasn’t as if I had never served before or been around those less fortunate. Then, on the ride home from the airport, while talking through my experience with my sister, she said something to me that has haunted me ever since. I so desperately wanted to understand how the people there could be so different and she conjectured that maybe it wasn’t just how different they were there, but also how different I was there. While we were in Nicaragua, that’s all there was. Loving God. And Loving others. There was no stuff. There was no work. There were no bills. No billboards trying to sell us something. There was just us missionaries, God, and a people who needed both. I was eternally altered because I had gotten a glimpse of how He created it to be.

A life of loving and serving without reservation is what He is beckoning us to. It is more blessed to give than to receive, because the reward that awaits he who gives his life away is beyond anything that this earth can provide or even comprehend. It isn't tangible or even visible here because it's deeper than that. It's inherent.

Nicaragua Pics

Here is a link to some of my pics from Nicaragua if you are not able to see them on Facebook

http://www.flickr.com/photos/34895158@N07/?saved=1

Learnings from Nicaragua

I’m haunted by the innocent joy of the people there. The joy of kids, who by our standards have nothing. Many of whom eat one meal a day, five days a week. I am haunted by the kindness of the adults whose homes, (we Americans would call it personal space), are being invaded by total strangers. But they aren’t put off or annoyed, but rather joyous and celebratory in our very presence. I was welcomed into my friend David’s home in a manner that has never happened to me in my life. As he took my hand and led me with excitement to meet his mother and sister, I expected a formal hello between adults. But that is not what I got. She hugged me and kissed my cheek. She invited us to stay and sit and began to pull up the tattered plastic chairs she had to give us a seat, while they stood, for she had given us strangers all the seating accommodations she had. I was perplexed when David ran into the house while we were there to visit with him, but overjoyed when he returned with his newborn niece and handed her to me. Something that must have been considered one of their most precious belongings, a newborn child, and he just wanted to share her with me. I was ruined. I am ruined. As I tried to tell my sister of this experience, I just wanted to figure out how they could be so different there in the way that they extend grace and unconditional love. She reminded me that maybe it wasn’t just about how different they are there, but also how different I was there. I was struck. The people of Puchacaupe gave me a bigger gift than I could ever give them. Because they gave me a glimpse of the me that Jesus sees. As I was seeing Christ in them, I believe that they were seeing Him in me. Oh what a gift.

My world is spinning.
It feels like I'm turning circles.
I can't keep this pace.
I can't see You.
I'm not sure where You went.

I know You didn't leave me.
So where am I?
Did I leave You?
Are You speaking to me?
Because I can't hear You.

I'm scared now.
I'm afraid I missed You.
Did I run past You?
Should I turn around?
I can't hear You.
I don't know where I am.
I'm going to turn around....

Williams Sisters Announce They're Joining DSRL!

This is the funniest thing ever!!!!

Ghostwriter

*

Today I will be your hands and feet Father. An author for your story of love. God go with me as I write into the lives of your “least of these”. Help my words be silent and my actions be the exposition. Help my feet to go, my hands to heal and my heart to speak. Let my pen be your Son and my ink be your grace. Today I will write over a page full of heartbreak and despair with hope and love. Today I will write for You.

Signed,
The Ghostwriter

Correction

Disclaimer:

I write the following under duress.......

As to the re-challenge from Brett in our much debated push-up contest, I concede to the Iowa stand-off. I reluctantly hand over the trophy to my challenger if only temporarily. (I have consulted with a colleague and have began training for our re-match). In the meantime..... I declare myself officially beaten.


Whew! That was hard. :)

Feeling Fortunate

I just got home from my Iowa missions trip. It was amazing, devastating, heartbreaking and such a blessing. I still need time to process, so I won't elaborate too much. But some of my immediate take-aways.......

God gives and God takes away and we must be sure to keep our eyes on him both when we "get" and when it is "taken away".

Being the hands and feet of Jesus doesn't always receive the best reception but neither did He.

Jesus has a LOT of hands and feet in Iowa.

Praise and Worship doesn't have to happen inside the four walls of our church and I LOVE THAT!!!

(Problems getting pics to load tonight, but I will have them up tomorrow. Full album will be on facebook. )

Sharing Blessings

So I got the opportunity to share my testimony last week at GCC. What a blessing. I really felt God using me to tell others about him and it was an amazing feeling. He has been so faithful to me over the past two years through some potentially really difficult situations. I am so grateful for my life and all that encompasses. One would think that it would have been really difficult to be so open about my mistakes, but for me it was just something I had to explain to be able to tell people what God had done for me. It wasn't easy or hard, it was just what I had to do to get to the good stuff. (Kind of like eating all the toppings off a Lou Manotti's pizza, just to get to the crust). I am so thankful to Zach and Ginger Creek for giving me the opportunity to talk about the amazing God I serve and how much he loves me.
I had so many people come up to me after the service and tell me their stories, and my heart poured out to these people who had loved ones with similar struggles that were still far from God. All I could say is stay on your knees and don't give up. I am here today because the people who love me never gave up on me. I believe that my mom prayed for me every day for fifteen years and God heard everyone of them.
Thank you to all who have loved me, supported me, and prayed for me. You inspire me and I will work every day for the rest of my life to be the servant that God desires me to be.